Powerless

You preyed on me,

you took advantage of my vulnerability.

I trusted you,

because the way you were was all I knew.

You always knew exactly what to say,

and I was always left questioning my reality.

Dismissing the feelings within me,

feeling like I’m the definition of insanity.

My body contracting and tensing

as you come closer.

Never knowing what safety felt like,

for all I know this was my safety.

Losing my voice, my truth, my power,

becoming so fragmented just to survive.

Yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir,

I fucking hate you sir,

is what I really wanted to say.

But instead, I suppressed my anger to keep myself safe.

I was told to be kind, to never resist,

to shrink into corners, where I wouldn’t exist.

Helplessness grew like a vine through my skin,

rooted in silence, where shame did begin.

Inside there’s a storm, a wild caged beast.

Fury and sorrow, that never release.

I’m scared to feel it, scared to let it out,

afraid I might rage, scream or shout.

The memories of you still haunt me,

I witnessed your smile, but sensed your teeth.

Beneath the charm, your darkness seethed.

You took what you wanted, piece by fucking piece.

You presence made my skin crawl,

repulsed by the power you held in your palm,

while I played the part trying to stay calm.

Each moment with you was a war in my mind,

to fight, to flee, or to somehow be kind.

You saw kindness as weakness, so you twisted the blade,

until my own self worth began to fade.

How in the world can I blame myself for this?

At the end of the day I had to play it safe.

And for though you have taken much of my light,

you’ll never fucking touch the fire still burning inside.